Happy Birthday, TWO you, Asher!

Another sweet angel in heaven with our son <3

 Dearest Asher,

{written yesterday}
I absolutely cannot even believe you are two years old tomorrow. There's a deep pit in my stomach that doesn't want to face the morning sunlight because it will just remind me that you are not here with us. But, I know when dawn breaks and I do open my eyes to the sunlight, it's one more day closer to you. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of your sweet, perfect face or the day I will be able to hold you in my arms again. Not. One. Single. Day.

A year ago, I tried my very best not to think about the "what ifs" because I knew this was all a part of God's master plan. But, when your baby sister and big brother are laughing and rolling around, it is inevitable. I have "what if" moments every day now. And in those moments, I know you are so happy rolling around in the tall, green grass with a perfect breeze hitting your soft cheeks in the meadows of heaven--so, I get back to loving on your brother and sister and soaking up memories with them. I know I will get to make up our lost time one day.

{written today}
I have no metaphors today. My heart has ached all day long. I'm not sure why it's harder now than it was a year ago. There have been so many blessings in our lives since you went to heaven, so I should be rejoicing in victory and praising God, but quite honestly, today it is particularly hard. But, I just. miss. you. so. bad. We all do. I know you are having such a wonderful time and it probably seems like only moments have passed since you left us, but it sure does feel like forever for me. I always think about when our family is going to be complete and I know it won't be until we are all reunited with you. Until then, know how much I love you sweet angel. {Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.}

I love you always & forever, Asher,

Love,

Mommy

In our hearts. Forever. And always.

Balloons are coming to you! 

Ethan's family portrait <3