The beating of my heart. . .

 

 

Having lunch with a good friend, we were discussing what organ she would be learning next in her physics and anatomy class: the heart. And I have not been able to stop thinking about the heart since. What a complex, intricate organ the heart is. This is what Dr. Google says and I'm pretty sure I believe it. Besides the brain, the heart is one of the most intricate organs in our body. I know we didn't sign up for an anatomy lesson when we opened this blog, but it's pretty neat to read about what our hearts do for each of our bodies. Over the course of the day, our hearts beat 100,00 times and shuttle 2,000 oxygen-rich gallons of blood throughout our body. Our hearts can create enough energy in a day to drive a truck 20 miles. Because the heart has its own electrical impulse, it can continue to beat even when separated from the body, as long as it has an adequate supply of oxygen. During an average lifetime, the heart will pump nearly 1.5 million barrels of blood—enough to fill 200 train tank cars. If you ask me, that's a lot of responsibility for an organ the size of a fist!

 

But, as we talked about the heart over lunch in those few minutes, all I could think in my head was, the heart is what failed my 7lb 4oz little boy's body. I have seen death throughout my life: I have lost all four grandparents, have watched my husband lose his first grandparent, have watched friends lose their parents; and it's not fun. It's hard watching the people you love hurt so much and to be grieving so much. But, we all know life has to come to an end here on earth and I know logically, that it is the circle of life. But, what happens when the circle of life doesn't follow that path? What happens when a husband/wife loses a spouse so early in life or parents loses a beloved son/daughter so early? The grieving takes a whole other route; a route full of "what if's" and dreams being crushed.

 

A week from today will be a year since Asher has gone to heaven. I no longer dwell on the "what if's" and dreams because God had his destiny mapped out for him long before I even knew I was carrying him. If it wasn't for God's grace and mercy this year, I honestly don't know where I would be. I'm not testifying that this has been easy by any means; in fact, this has been the most challenging, hard, and life-changing year of my life. And I am so fortunate and blessed to know and understand that my Father in Heaven has held my hand every time my heart is saddened, every time my heart is filled with joy, and every time my heart has been filled with confusion. I have had my moments of darkness and every time, my Father has saved me through what He speaks to me and through the people around me. Because of his saving grace, I am not the same person I was a year ago. My heart has changed. It has opened to Christ and has let his goodness, mercy, grace, love and compassion fill it with leaps and bound. My heart is beating stronger knowing that God has a plan and purpose for my life and every day I am getting closer to realizing my purpose. I am just so thankful for His love. That He loved us enough to give his only son so I could live eternally with Him and with my sweet angel in heaven.

 

As a mother, there is no harder thing than having to say hello and goodbye to a child in the same day. Please keep me & my whole family in your thoughts and prayers as we approach this day and know that while my heart is still beating, I live for Him.

 

Many blessings to you all <3

~Nikki~







Ethan's First Day of Pre-K 3!

 

Don't judge, but I really had no intentions of being sentimental as I dropped my three year old to his first day of PreK-3 at our church, Hahira United Methodist Church. For a child who has been taken care of by others at a child care center since he was eight weeks old and the fact that it is our church who is doing the program, you would naturally think this would be a piece of cake for any child. But, with my Ethan, my pre-conceived notion would only be that I would drop him off, watch him cry as I left and feel bad for leaving him as I always have. HAHA, my kid seriously threw me for a loop this morning and as soon as I got in the car, tears were welling up in my eyes as I called his Daddy to tell him how our drop-off went. We took our ceremonious first day of school photos, went inside and greeted everyone, filled out a fun filled fact sheet about Ethan and immediately found something fun to play with. Ms. Dana(one of Ethan's teachers) was spot-on when she mentioned play-doh! I told Ethan I was going to go and he was too enthralled with play-doh to even notice me! What? Is this my child? I finally got him to give me a hug and told him to "Have a Great Day!" with an over-exaggerated voice and he replies with a big smile, "Ok, Mommy. I will!" Anyone who knows my child well enough, knows he's reserved and has some anxiety when being left with people he's not familiar with. Well, not today!

Just one smile, Ethan!!

 

 

Mommy & Ethan

Fast forward, three hours later for pick-up, and he was smiling in his little blue chair with his oversized bag hanging on his arms waiting for his Mommy to pick him up. I loved how his teachers were so eager to tell me all about his first day in detail and I could tell he, in fact, had a great day! To solidify it, Ethan says on the way to the car, "Mommy, I want to go back to Vacation Bible School(VBS) and I want you to leave me." Yup, another proud mommy moment. And yes, we have been calling it Vacation Bible School because PK-3 is at our church and Ms. Dana taught VBS and we wanted him to feel comfortable. Whatever works, eh? So, Day One: Check. A Big, Awesome, Check!

This next little tid-bit is more for myself to re-cap at the end of the school year. As Ethan enters his year of PK-3, he can identify about half of the alphabet, identify numbers 1-10 and count almost to 30. He is completely self sufficient when it comes to getting dressed/undressed with the occasional silly antics he pulls to make us laugh. He's familiar with common shapes and colors and absolutely loves anything arts & crafts. He literally just started writing his name on his own(capital letters) which has totally blown us away since we haven't been pushing or practicing. Ethan knows his full name as well as him Mommy's and Daddy's, the city and state in which he lives, and his birthday. Ethan is very social and warm around those he is very comfortable with and can be shy around friends/people he doesn't see as often; very much like his daddy. His favorite color is blue and favorite food is anything that's bad for him, lol. He really does love all kinds of fruit, hamburgers and french fries. Ethan still does not like any kind of vegetable. His imagination is out of this world and loves re-enacting story books that we read to him or movies that he watches. Right now, his favorite books are anything to do with Jesus or stories from the Bible, and we hope to keep it that way! Ethan loves his baby sister so much and can't get enough of kissing her/my belly, making silly faces to her and "making her laugh" in my belly. Again, we are hoping it stays that way once she is here! I'm eager to watch him and grow and learn through this school year and feeling very blessed to have such an amazing young boy as my son. Love you my shoogs!!!

After a fun-filled day!!!