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| ~This photo is purely a reenactment for your viewing pleasure~ :) |
My back is turned to the kids as I'm prepping dinner and I hear the girliest squeal and giggling coming down the hall. I turn around to see what's going on and Emma is running aka "toddling" down the hall as fast as she can with her big brother's blue bass pro hat on{wearing it like the cool kids:backwards, of course} and in her right hand is a pretend knight's shield. Following closely behind her, is Ethan, sporting his pirates hat with the knight's matching sword. He's not running, as to be careful not to run over his little sister, but nonetheless, he's laughing and pretending he's going to attack her. Their giggles, squeals and laughter fill our tiny, yet cozy home and I couldn't be more happy. And then, I have a glimpse of you, running along side your brother trying to capture the {tomboy} princess. I am constantly having glimpses of what your features would look like and most surely they would favor your brother and sister. Glimpses of your budding personality now that you would have almost been three years old. But as I stand in a moment of frozen time, I can't seem to wipe my smile off of my face. I honestly probably wouldn't be able to enjoy this moment if it weren't for your precious life. Because of you, I have learned to slow down. I have learned to soak in all the moments, good and bad. I have learned{and am still trying to improve on a daily basis} the art of grace and patience for Ethan and Emma. I didn't have these qualities before you.
Cynical as it may sound, there is a calming peace in my heart when it comes to thinking about you and how you were taken so soon. No, I still don't have the answers and yes, my heart still longs to hold you in my arms and steal your sugar, but now, after these past three years, the sadness, the hurt, the confusion continually fades and is being filled back with joy, happiness and love. Because of you, I found Jesus. He has been stirring my heart as long as I can remember, but when you went to Heaven, that is when I truly saw Jesus standing right beside me as I walked my new path. Coming home with empty arms and waking up to silence, I still had that warm presence of His spirit. I haven't let go since and I don't intend to, because I know where following him leads me: to an eternity in Heaven with you and Him.
I rejoice with Him for the gift of you, Asher. I rejoice for all the many blessings our family has received from your passing. I rejoice in all the struggles that lay ahead because I know fruit will come from them. Missing you and loving you always.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
