~Trust Me~

Emma's three months and thriving. Ethan's almost four and is full of personality. Darren found a new job this past year and is striving to be successful at everything he does(sweetie, you are absolutely amazing and I love you for everything you are and everything you do). And I'm at home watching my babies the majority of the week, watching every move, hearing every giggle, kissing every boo-boo. So, life is great, right? Well, almost.

I have been missing Asher so much here recently. When I found out I was pregnant, my first thought besides shock, is that God is going to heal our hearts through this beautiful miracle. While my heart beats with happiness every time I look at my children, my heart still aches. Let me be the first to tell anyone, time does NOT heal. Now that the newborn phase is over and schedules are more recognizable and my foggy head is starting to clear, I can actually sit back and reflect(well, maybe just for a few minutes, but it's progress.) But, I honestly feel like I am grieving all over again, like it's made its way back full circle. I have been feeling like this for almost a month and honestly *gasp* thought I might have PPD(Post-Partum Depression). I was
< this > close to picking up the phone and calling my doctor, but I prayed. I prayed that my grief would not cloud my ability to parent my children. And I also reached out to fellow mom's that have also lost children, and found comfort knowing that what I was feeling was absolutely normal. To clarify what I have been feeling is mostly a sense of guiltiness. Guilty that I have been so happy for having Emma in my life and enjoying her so much. Sadness when we are playing as a family and I imagine Asher being with us and trying to smother his little sister and trying to act like his big brother. But, I've been praying for something, for anything and He spoke to me this morning. God spoke beautiful words.

He said, "Trust Me." He said, "Have Faith in Me."

Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

Hebrews 11:24-27 "By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. By faith, he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible."

God doesn't always answer my prayers, I can truly attest to this. But, He still calls me to completely trust in Him. He still calls me to have complete faith in Him. I can and will be healed when I live for Him. I still do not know the reason why He called Asher home, but I have to believe that it was for the good of "his purpose." I think of Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

All I know is this. I have been injured; my heart has been broken. But I live every moment, every day in His promise for me and you. My heart will be healed one day. The day my Father calls me home. Thank you, Jesus, for speaking such precious words to me this morning.

Happy Birthday to Yous!

Little Miss Emma celebrated her 3 month birthday yesterday & Daddy celebrated the big 3-2 today!!! So, lots of yummy food(including my first ever homemade five layered cake) and celebration going on in our home this weekend :)

A little bit of where my little beauty is at three months. Girl, let me tell you! You are the complete opposite of your brother and Mommy is really feeling like a first time mom all over again! Or maybe it's the fact of trying to meet the needs of two youngin's vs. one. At three months, you are:

* Sleeping through the night, well most nights!!! 9pm-5am! You go girl!
* Weigh at least 15.5lbs....I'd weigh you, but you're taking a nice, long nap :)
* Get really excited when you wake up and is full of smiles. We love your gummy smiles!
* You are such a happy & social baby! You just give those smiles out to everyone!
* You're a talker!....well, a babbler, really.....
* You absolutely adore your big brother, always looking for him which melts my heart!
* You have NO, I mean NO desire to roll over at all. You would rather be held and walked around to look at everything.
* You despise tummy time. Your doctor is not going to be happy to hear about this!
* You will not take a bottle. Well, your babysitter got you to take 1.5oz last week, so we are making some progress!!!
*As daddy would say, "You are just like your momma....high maintenance!"

Momma, get my good side!

Brother & sister love!

Just so you can see the full effect of how much she likes to eat!

The five layered cake--homemade & delicious!!!!

OMG. One of my now favorite pics! Couldn't have even planned this!

Ethan will be blowing out everyone's candles until he's at least 25!

~Love~

A friend challenged me earlier this week to find a word that I could focus on for 2014. A word that I could work towards as a sort of a goal in a Godly fashion. I was up for the challenge--but whoa--this is going to be hard. I thought of all the ways I wanted to better myself this year and I kept coming back to love. I want to grow my relationship with God, and the only way I can do that is by loving Him with all that I am. I want to nurture my husband and build our marriage up so that nothing can break us, and the way to do that is to love him with all that I am. I want to be a better parent to my children, and the only way to do that is to love them with all that I am. I want to show my friends how much I care for them, and the only way to do that is to love them with all that I am.

Love is such a simple word, but such a hard thing to do. The first verse I read about love:

Romans 12:9-18NIV "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

I am so eager to live out this year in God's love. Is there a word tugging at your heart for this year? I want to challenge anyone who is reading this to pray about that word and live it out!

So, dear friend, challenge accepted. Please hold me accountable!!