I wanted so bad to write on here yesterday for so many reasons. My head was swirling around with so many thoughts and emotion. I haven't been on here lately, and I just needed to write. I just needed to let it all out. And it seemed so perfect to write on Mother's Day, but the more I got to thinking about it, the more I knew I needed to spend special moments with my husband and son and I'm glad I did. Yesterday was pretty awesome.....woke up to breakfast in bed, went to church and got the corsage for being the youngest mom, second year in a row; hopefully, next year, I won't be the youngest anymore! Witnessed my painfully shy three year old tell two mothers at church "Happy Mother's Day" WITHOUT us prompting him to(that was MAJOR!). Came home real quick to put pot roast in the crock pot and headed out for a picnic on the front lawn of Valdosta State University. We set up under a big oak tree(or at least Darren said it was) and it was a beautiful afternoon in every way. There was a slight breeze in the air and we ate Wendy's(yes, that is what I picked out!) and just played all over the front lawn with our precious three year old. I've noticed he's gaining quite the sense of humor and is constantly being silly and keeps us laughing all day long! We ran, we jumped, we tickled, we made silly faces, we threw the ball. Ethan took his imagination to a whole new level when he deemed himself the Larry Tinman; Darren, the scarecrow, and me; the lion from his favorite Veggietales movie, "The Land of Ha's" and we followed the "yellow" or should I say the red brick road of VSU all the way down to the Land of Ha's aka the VSU Library. Just in case you're totally confused, The Land of Ha's is simply a spinoff of the Wizard of Oz in Veggietale fashion :) We came home, attempted to do arts and crafts, and someone started getting cranky and before I knew it, Ethan was asleep at 6---we tried to forgo a nap all day in hopes of him being a trooper, but, we failed. My baby must have been so wiped out, because that little stinker didn't wake up until 9:30 this morning!!! Y'all---that's 15 hrs!! I kept feeling his head thinking he was sick, but he woke up so happy, refreshed and ready to go!
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| Practicing our "Thumbs Up!" |
So, all in all, yesterday was good.....Several times, the "what if's" started popping into my head. What if Asher was with us today? This would have been my first Mother's Day with him. Would we have done anything differently? Would he giggling at his big brother as much as we do? But, I had to tell myself to stop. I have to focus on what is front of me in this moment---and that is Ethan & Darren. Ethan's smile and dimples can make all my heartache go away in a moment and Darren's hug just allows me to melt into his arms. I was able to let myself enjoy yesterday, because I didn't try so hard to focus on what "Wasn't", but to focus on what "is." I read that last sentence back to myself and it sounds horrible. But, please don't misunderstand me. When all is quiet, I do think about Asher and what he is like and doing in heaven. I remember reading "Heaven is For Real" shortly after I had my miscarriage in 2011 and the little boy met his sister(whom his mom miscarried) and his grandfather(who passed before he was born). When he met his relatives, his sister was older and his grandfather was younger; how God sees them. And this makes me think---is Asher older in heaven? Maybe six or seven years old and running around playing with other children? Or could he still be an infant in the care of maybe my grandmother or grandfather? It's nice to imagine him up there full of life.
I know Mother's Day is supposed to be this fairtyale, princess sort of day dedicated to moms. But, for me, yesterday, was contentment. I enjoyed the blessings I have here on earth with all of my heart.
And just for giggles and to hopefully, make your heart smile, some photos to caption the day:
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Ethan's Happy Face--what he does when we say "Smile!"
Ethan's Monster Face
Mommy just loves this face!
Ethan's Silly Face!
Ethan's, "Mommy's having another BABY face!" Yup, you read it right. Baby #4 expected to be here November 2013!
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