Life Goes On...Life Must Go On.

I'm not quite sure if someone told me this recently or I read it somewhere, but this is true: Right now, I am in a spiritual bubble. The past six weeks has been nothing short of amazing. My family and I have been covered in prayer and our needs have been taken care of in so many ways. And, I'm going to be honest; I do not want this bubble to pop. When I have people come up to me and tell me they are thinking and praying for us, it gives me such comfort. But, what about a month from now, a year from now, or a decade from now? Life has to go on, people are going to forget. It's such a hard thing to accept that this is a reality, but it's true. I know we will think about Asher every day of our lives, but, I know my neighbors or possibly even some friends will slowly begin to forget. I'm afraid once reality sets in, my grieving is going to really set in.

Today is one of the last things we had to do for Asher, here on Earth. We had to pick out his gravestone. I've been dreading this for two reasons: 1) I should not be burying my child. They are supposed to be bury me. & 2) This is the last thing that we have to complete Asher's burial. In a way, I feel like this is the point.....where life must go on. It was a very overwhelming experience, to say the least. At the end of the appointment, I felt good that we picked a beautiful piece with the Scripture God intended for him, Matthew 4:19:"Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." Later that day, I was going through my winter clothes that I store at my mother-in-law's house and I saw one of Darren's old devotional books. I walked past it to leave the house, but something told me to go back and get it for my sister. I went back, picked it up and opened the book to read one devotional. The first one I looked at was titled "Follow Me," and was centered on Matthew 4:19. If only you could see my smile.

Today was also the first time we went to Asher's graveside. I wept. I cried out to Lord, "Why Asher?" Before we left Nicholls, we came back to visit Asher with Ethan and my son literally turns from his "terrible twos," to a respectful, little boy. We told him Asher's body is in the ground, but his spirit is in heaven with Jesus and he blows a kiss to the sky and says "I love you Baby Asher." I know people say death can be confusing for small children, but Ethan just gets it. Ethan started taking the gravel from his great-grandfather's grave and sprinkling them on Asher's. I told him let's name the rocks with emotions we feel when we think of Asher. So, of course, I started so I could demonstrate. As he lays the tiny rocks down one by one, I say "this one is for love, this one is for happiness...." Ethan pipes in, "this one is for sad, this one is for growing....." Oh, how my little boy just amazes me with his maturity. Oh, how I wish Asher could have been here with us---I have no doubt in my mind that Ethan would have been an amazing and nurturing big brother.

So, with all of this being said, I know that things are going to start slowing down. Life will go on for all of us, but, for me, my son in Heaven will continuously be in my thoughts: When I'm sitting on my back porch and a dragonfly lands on my leg. When I'm running and there's a beautiful sunset. When I watch Darren and Ethan playing and enjoy sounds of laughter and happiness. He is all around; Asher is with me.