Asher's Sunset

Today is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. Today is also my first day back at work. So, to sum it all up, today has not been the easiest. It didn't help that Ethan(my 2 1/2 year old) did NOT want to go to school this morning and wanted to stay home with Mommy. He wouldn't even make eye contact with me when I gave him a hug and kiss as I dropped him off. I know he doesn't mean to make me sad, but boy, did it make me feel horrible. I get to work and get my first phone call and the gentleman on the other line tells me congrats on the baby. You want to know what I said? Thank you. I said, thank you. Am I crazy? Probably, but did I really want to correct him so I could just break down in tears? Second phone call from an old client of mine(another gentleman) says he's glad that I'm back and then asks how the baby is. Well, my response was, "He died." I bet I made that man feel like a million bucks, but I also didn't try and rehearse what I was going to say to people when they ask. Oh, did I mention I broke down and cried on that one? Maybe I'm not as ready as I thought I was to get back into the grind. Or maybe, it will just get easier to tell people what happened to my son. But, then, my morning changed for the better, thank you Jesus.

A friend of mine sent me a blog shortly after Asher passed(thank you Amy!!!). This person's blog(www.onceuponatucker.blogspot.com) started off with a photo by Carly Marie Dudley. This person, too, lost a son the way I did and reading her blog helped me tremendously. Carly Marie Dudley, is a woman from Sydney, Austraila, who lost her son, Christian, in 2007. When Carly's son passed, she found herself drawing his name in the sand and photographing it against the sunset. And now, she has been using this gift from God to help heal parents, like me and Darren, who have lost a child too. I requested Asher's sunset about two weeks after he went to be with Jesus and I got them this morning at 10:34 A.M. The Lord took Carly and used perfect timing with her email to show me that he is with me and he cares for me and loves me so much. He said with Asher's sunset, "Everything is going to be alright, Nikki."

Lord, I just pray that for every mother who has ever lost a child through a miscarriage, had a stillborn, or lost their precious baby shortly after birth, for God to wrap his harms around them today and give them comfort and peace. I pray for these mothers to know that their child/children are in Heaven: perfect, whole and healed and that we will be reunited with them one day. I pray for the fathers, siblings, and all kinds of relatives that feel the pain and sorrow of a child leaving this earth too soon, that, they too, will be comforted, because it is so often forgotten that they are hurting too. Please, Jesus, just hold these individuals a little bit tighter today and let them know you love them and that your arms are open wide for them to receive you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Psalms 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

To visit Carly Marie Dudley's website: http://www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com/