Reminiscing....

Even after five months, I still find the tears steadily coming. I can't stop thinking about Asher. He has been consuming my thoughts here recently. I keep picturing those last moments of him in my arms. His sweet little cheeks, so pale and soft. His perfectly shaped lips, still pink and puckered.

I have a special box for him. A box where I keep his hospital blanket, his little hat which is still stained with my blood, his tape measure to show he was 21 1/2 inches long, and photos of him shortly after his birth. There's not much in there, but I hold so much more in my heart anyway. The first flutters I felt of him at 13 weeks, the flutters I felt in my stomach every time he rolled, kicked, and jabbed me. I hold the memory of all his 3D ultrasounds and his big chubby cheeks(he got it honestly). And to think we were not going to have his 3D ultrasounds in order to save money. Fortunately, I ended up having several. I couldn't get enough of my unborn son. Anyway, back to his special box. It has been sitting in my kitchen for months now, and I knew it was time to move it. Not get rid of it, but not let it be right there for me to look at every single time I walked past it. I still haven't put all of the sympathy cards in it so I grabbed those early this morning and went through every single one. Whoa. That was not easy. It brought back the intense heartache, the pain and made me feel like I was re-living September of 2012 all over again. But, Whoa. Can I tell you how much LOVE & COMPASSION was in those stack of cards? Some of the cards that held the most love were from people who we merely exchanged pleasantries with. Whoa. Now, that's God's Love being poured onto our family. I cried. But, then I smiled. I smiled because all of those prayers, all of the wishes that people had made for our family have been answered. We have been comforted. We have a renewed sense of hope. We have been blessed. So, if you're reading this and you were one of those people who reached out to our family--not necessarily by writing a card, but in anyway, we thank you. I, thank you. You have been such a blessing to our little family and please continue to lift us up.

Blessings :)
~Nikki